Home child: how to help quiet?
Is your home child too shy and shy? You are probably worried about how he will join the school team, communicate with peers and adults, what awaits such a quiet in adulthood. Children's psychologists will tell about the causes of shyness, its possible consequences and what parents should do.
How to recognize shyness in time
Your home child does not give you much trouble - he is obedient, not noisy, not pranks, beauty, and nothing more. Stop, dear parents! Take a closer look at the behavior of your baby more closely.
If he is simply self-sufficient, he is able to occupy himself and his own lack of communication does not cause discomfort to him, one may not worry too much.
What situations should alert the parents? The kid is afraid of strangers, hides behind his mother when adults try to talk to him, does not answer questions - this is already a manifestation of the child’s excessive timidity.
Often too home-grown children outgrow this period and no longer suffer from communication problems.A survey among parents of three-year-olds showed that about 40% of preschoolers are characterized by a certain degree of timidity.
It is especially difficult for such a child in kindergarten. He does not know how to contact with peers, meet, join the game. In this case, the children are friendly, he would like to join the team, but prevents shyness. Home child is afraid to seek help from an educator, to show their desires. Answers questions quietly, almost in a whisper, or even silent.
Shyness is more pronounced in the fifth year of a child’s life, when a special need for respect for adults is formed.
Any remark or inappropriate irony can greatly hurt, children need more approval and praise, delicate attitude of parents and teachers.
Shyness home child - is this a problem?
Perhaps some moms and dads and more comfortable to have an obedient and quiet child than the noisy fidget and bully. And it is easier for teachers with such children - they do not break lessons, do not be rude, do not indulge.
What is the baby himself? Children who did not overcome their shyness in childhood grow up to be notorious, afraid of everything new, not capable of active actions. Communication problems will haunt them both at school, and at the institute, and at work.Hence the difficulties in family life, in a career.
Until you reach a mature age, you will not nurse your shy offspring, otherwise incomplete separation will ruin their whole future life.
Timid house children are afraid to attract attention to themselves, it seems to them that everyone is looking at them, discussing or even condemning them. Another's opinion for such children plays a big role, they do not want to give anyone the slightest inconvenience.
By the way, low self-esteem is inherent in not all shy home children. They often treat themselves well, it just seems to them that others underestimate them. And such a doubt in a positive attitude towards oneself provokes an excessive concern about one’s own “I.” As a result, the child is more focused not on the lesson itself, but on the future assessment of his actions from the outside.
By the way, shyness is not related to the abilities of the child, his level of intelligence. Timid home-grown children often do an excellent job with tasks, and they know and are able to do as many of their peers. But the slightest remark can negatively affect them, and the fear of doing the wrong thing inhibits activity.
Masha at the lesson of mathematics solved the problem faster than the others, but was afraid to raise her hand and inform the teacher about it. After all, Sergey, the winner of many Olympiads, has not yet had time to do this.And the girl doubted the correctness of her decision - she could not get ahead of the recognized mathematician. What if her answer would be wrong, what would her classmates and teacher think then? This is the result of the timidity of a child for whom the evaluation of others is too important.
Where does shyness come from
Child shyness has various reasons. Consider congenital and acquired factors contributing to the formation of this quality.
Many psychologists believe that the timidity of some children lies in their nature. They have an increased sensitivity to comments, criticism, the fear of novelty, too painful reaction to life situations.
This is a consequence of the excitability of the nervous system. Often these children have shyness inherent in mom and dad.
Two opposite approaches to education (and both wrong ones): lack of attention and excessive care lead to one result - the shyness of the baby. A home-child closes in on itself, will grow up insecure when they simply shake it off - “don't interfere”, “get away”, “play later”, “don't see, I have no time”.
The other extreme is total control, and with constant criticism and comments. A child needs praise, encouragement of his independence, any success.
Abrupt changes, traumatic for the child, develop in him timidity and isolation. Homemade baby was sent to kindergarten - this is a real stress.
The child may become withdrawn, unsociable due to the divorce of the parents. Moving to a new place of residence, when the situation around us changes dramatically, also has a negative effect on the psyche.
Often timid home child, who was not taught to communicate, does not accept the children's team. He can be the target of ridicule, even harassment.
Here the role of the teacher is important, his right attitude to the situation and help is quiet. It happens, and teachers biased against some children, criticized, publicly humiliated. Parents must intervene in time to save the child from the negative. Otherwise, timidity may develop to a state of neurosis.
How to help a timid home child
To liberate the child, to help him overcome the fear of communication, parents will have to try different methods.
Shift the focus
Does shyness bother you? But he has other qualities, so do not focus attention on the problem. You can not blame the children for timidity, scare difficulties in the future and set as an example the other guys.
Never say it yourself and do not let anyone call them quiet and give other epithets. Praise the guys, including people, for their positive qualities: and Misha here draws so beautifully, our Katya always helps her mother, which Maxim is polite and attentive.
Sympathize with the problems of the child
A son or daughter must see - you understand his fears and fears, unwillingness to go somewhere (for example, to school) and support him. But you need to learn, think together how to establish contacts with peers and teachers.
Convince children - they may be interested in classmates with their knowledge and skills.
And ask the teachers to give the quiet people the opportunity to show their strengths and advantages to the children.
Shy children should be encouraged to rehearse conversations with peers and adults. Together, think up phrases that will be useful in different situations: how to greet an adult, greet a classmate, ask for directions,meet someone on the site, offer your help.
Play dialogue using these phrases and changing roles.
Tell about any upcoming event, such as the visit of guests - who will come, how to behave, whether there will be children among the guests and what to do with them.
Prepare for a change of scenery: there is a transition to a new school - be there together, get to know the teachers and the guys. Suggest behaviors in certain situations.
Tell the kid who will be taken to the kindergarten in advance how interesting it is - a lot of toys, funny games and activities, children with whom he will definitely make friends, a kind educator. Play kindergarten at home with your favorite toys or family members.
Share your secret
Tell us how timid you yourself were as a child, explain that everyone is different and someone easily finds a common language with people and loves publicity, but it scares someone.
The main thing is to share your experience: how did you manage to cope with timidity and fear, what pleasant sensations did you have when solving your problems.
For example, they were not afraid to speak with that boy on the playground, met them, and eventually became best friends.And if your kinder will be brave today and will approach the group of playing children, he will also have friends.
Set realistic goals
Ask to perform specific tasks - offer Ksyusha your toy, perhaps you will play together more often; Tomorrow you will walk alone in the yard, your mother will look behind you through the window; ask the student to ask the teacher a question with the entire class, to prepare a presentation at the class hour.
You should not blame for the failure, cheer and hope that everything will work out tomorrow, and for the successful task you must praise.
And if the home child has coped with something particularly difficult for him, mark the achievement in a special way - go to a children's cafe, arrange a hike in nature, buy the thing he has long wanted.
Role playing and pets
The presence of a pet expands the social circle - you can get acquainted with other pet owners during a walk, sometimes you will have to visit a veterinarian, talk about health problems, you should communicate with the seller in a pet shop.
Create fantasy games with fictional characters that look like a child and situations that disturb him in real life. Together, think over the plots of the games, ways out of difficult situations and be sure to have a happy ending.
With preschoolers, use role-playing games, games-dramatization with your favorite toys - for example, the story about a timid bear, who eventually became brave and made many friends.
You can get used to the images of the characters, drawing masks and erecting costumes. Well, if the games attract neighbors children, friends of the child.
With the children's company you can play the game “Ball in a circle”. Anyone who has a ball in his hands, before throwing another player, must look into his eyes and say a word: “catch”, “hold”, “this is for you”, “on the ball”. Older children can name any items - school supplies, clothes, trees, animals, etc.
In cases where all your efforts do not bring results, and the isolation and fear of people only progress, without the intervention of a psychologist is indispensable. Look for a professional with experience solving such problems, who have succeeded in working with shy children and families where they are brought up.
Shy home child should be taught to be more sociable, because he should live in society. If you want to, you don't want it, but it will be in contact with people for various reasons.
Inhospitable beech will have a hard time.Therefore, do not start the problem, slowly teach the child communication skills, using all the possibilities and methods.
How to overcome shyness in children? Tips for a good child psychologist: